Thankyou Graham

Butch the Rooster

Nelly was in the fertilized egg business.
She had several hundred young “pullets' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.  She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

 

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.  Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.  Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

 

Nelly's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! 
When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

 

To Nelly's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.  He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.Nelly was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in the Dowerin Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

 

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

 

Vote carefully in the next election. 
You can't always hear the bells. 
If you don’t send this on, you're chicken, no yoke!

  

I was standing at the bar at an International Airport when this small Chinese guy

 walks in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer. I asked him, "Do you

 know any of those martial arts things like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says "No, why the f*** you ask me that? Is it

because I am Chinese?"

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer,

you little prick."

 

Dated but worth a second look

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.