CAMEL'S NOSE IS OFFICIALLY IN THE TENT-The Great English Language

Here’s something guaranteed to stimulate your brain cells…

Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

You think English is easy?

I think a retired English teacher was bored...THIS IS GREAT!

Read all the way to the end.................
This took a lot of work to put together!

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UPexcuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UPis special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it  UP,
for now my time is UP,
so.......it is time to shut UP!
Now it's UP to you what you do with this email.

And you wonder why immigrants have a tough time learning the language.

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CAMEL'S NOSE IS OFFICIALLY IN THE TENT!!!

I  bet you can't guess what this is! •إذا  كان دخلك الشهري الإجمالي أقل من 150 دولار و 100 دولار أو أقل في  الأصول السائلة  )نقود في اليد، الحسابات الجارية أو حسابات التوفير، شهادات التوفير(،  أو •إذا  كان مجموع دخلك الإجمالي وأصولك السائلة أقل من مجموع إيجارك الشهري  أو قسط  القرض العقاري زائد فاتورة التدفئة والمنافع العامة، أو •إذا  كنت معدوم* الدخل أو أجير موسمي متنقل أو عامل مزارع موسمي ولديك  100 دولار  أو أقل في الأصول السائلة. *المعدوم  هو أن يكون دخلك قد توقف قبل تاريخ تقديم الطلب، أو أن دخلك قد  بدأ ولكنك  تتوقع أن لا تقبض أكثر من 25 دولار في غضون ال 10 أيام القادمة. إذا  كان أهل بيتك مؤهلاً لمعالجة الطلب في غضون سبعة أيام، فيجب عليك: •أن  تشترك في مقابلة، و •أن  تقدّم إثباتاً بهويتك الشخصية، و •استكمال  عملية الطلب بكامله. لمواصلة  تلقي مخصصات الإعانة الغذائية، سيُطلب منك أن تقدم إثباتاً لمعلومات  أخرى )مثل  الدخل، مكان الإقامة، ...إلخ(. إذا قمت بإعطاء الإثبات عند التقديم، فيمكن أن  تُعطى فترة  أطول من مخصصات الإعانة الغذائية. المقابلات  المعنية ببرنامج الإعانة الغذائية )Food  Assistance Program: FAP( يجوز  التنازل عن إجراء مقابلة وجهاً لوجه وإجراء مقابلة هاتفية في الحالات التي  يشكل ذلك  على أهل بيتك مشقة. وتتضمن المشقات على سبيل المثال ولا تقتصر على  التالي: •المرض. •صعوبات  في النقل. •دوام  ساعات العمل الذي يمنع من الاشتراك في مقابلة مكتبية. إذا  كنت تعاني من مشقة وتحتاج إلى إجراء DHS أخبر الأخصائي المسؤول عنك  ف Well,  it's part of the instructions for how to apply for food  stamps in the great state of Michigan in Arabic !! Read  on: I  actually called the Michigan Dept . of Human Services to  check this out and it is true. Have  we gone completely nuts!! THE  CAMEL'S NOSE IS OFFICIALLY IN THE TENT IN MICHIGAN !!! Muslim  men are allowed to have as many as 4 wives. Many Muslims have immigrated into  the U.S. and brought their 2-3-or 4 wives with them, but the U.S. does not allow  multi marriages, so the man lists one wife as his, and signs the other 2 or 3 up  as extended family on welfare and other free Government  programs! Michigan has the highest population of Muslims in the  United States . When President   Obama took office the United States paid several millions of dollars to have a large number of Palestinians , ( All Muslim ), immigrated here from Palestine . Why? We don't pay  for other persons to immigrate here, and I'm sure that some of those Muslims  moved into Michigan with the large current number of Muslims already established  there. So  now in Michigan when you call the Public Assistance office you are told to  “Press 1 for English. Press 2 for Spanish, or Press 3 for Arabic”! CHECK IT OUT  YOURSELF - Here is the number               1-888-678-8914        1-888-678-8914. Every  time you add a new language to an American program it requires an additional  number of persons fluent in that language to process those persons who refuse to  learn English in order to live here at an additional cost to the taxpayer! Why  are we even allowing persons to immigrate here who cannot provide for  themselves, and putting them in our welfare system? Press  3 for Arabic. This  is quite alarming!!! This seems to have happened clandestinely , for, as far as  I know, no public announcement, or opportunity to vote on this was offered to  the American people. They're just adopting an official stance, and very likely  using tax-payer money for it, in various capacities, without public knowledge or  approval. The  following link takes you into the State of Michigan Public Assistance  page, (as  in Food Stamps etc). You won't have to scroll far before you see the  assistance-letters options for ... (get this) ... English, Spanish, and ARABIC!!! When  did the ARABIC option sneak into our culture? Will we soon have to listen to our  governmental offices, stores, and other venues offer us the option of "pressing  3 for ARABIC?" Check  it out for yourself. http :// www . michigan . gov / dhs  /0,1607,7-124-5453_5527---,00. html (When  you get to this web site, just click on the FORMS AND PUBLICATIONS button -  those forms in Arabic are listed as ending in AR!!) Please  inform every red-blooded American you know, that this is happening. It is  outrageous! The camel's nose is literally now OFFICIALLY under the  tent! YOUR  TAX DOLLARS AT WORK !                           Thank you Obama.  You promised change and you've certainly kept your word  !!