Humour From Graham

Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister’s chauffeur driven car.

Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road. 

They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Nicola in her usual jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur : " You get out and check - you were driving."

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

" You were driving, go and tell the farmer," says Nicola, ”I can’t afford to be blamed for anything.”

The chauffeur walks up the drive to the farmhouse and returns five hours later totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face.

" My God, what happened to you ?" asks Nicola.

The chauffeur replies : " When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wifegave me a slap - up meal and the daughter made love to me."

" What on earth did you say?" asks Nicola.

" I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them, I'm Nicola Sturgeon’s chauffeur and I've just killed the cow."

HEALTH ISSUES WE SHOULD ALL ADDRESS PROMPTLY…

·       Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

·       Do you suffer from shyness?

·       Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone.  Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Warnings:

·       The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

·       The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

·       The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.

·       The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many people as you feel it may benefit!

Now, just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz or Merlot...