Friday, October 30, 2015

Interesting Comments from a Friend


A drunk man who smelled like beer
sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face
was plastered with red lipstick and
a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking
out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and
began reading.

After a few minutes the man
turned to the priest and asked,
'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused
by loose living, being with cheap,
wicked women, too much alcohol,
contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes    
and lack of a bath!'

The drunk muttered in response,
'Well, I'll be  damned,'
Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what       
he had said, nudged the man
       and apologized   .
'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to
come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.
I was just reading here that the Pope does.'
MORAL: Make sure you understand the
question before offering the answer.

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.   After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary.
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke,   "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."
Silence fell over the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice.   "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
The entire congregation said, "Amen."
Gotta love those senior citizens!

Statistics recently released from the United Nations reveal that Australian, Canadian, NZ, UK and U. S. A. men between 50 and 75 years of age, will, on average, have sex two to three times per week, whereas Japanese men, in the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if at all.

This is very upsetting news to me and most of my friends, as we had no idea we were Japanese.

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