Monday, May 05, 2014


Tenerife Holiday April 14

This holiday was to get away from the horrible Winter we have had. So we decided on a Thomson Platinum All Inclusive at the Hotel Luabay. Flying out from Gatwick N is no real problem everything went smoothly even the aeroplane was reasonably comfortable. The problem started in Tenerife Aeroport , two planes landed together  and the passport control was horrendous with only 2 passport control offices open. Most just showed their passports and were let through, we had to follow a stag party. These all had T-shirts on with James Bond Film names on, this was rather unusual theme all having a T Shirt NOT. The problem was most were the worse for drink and were making a nuisance of themselves and the Passport Officers were efficient at checking their passports putting through the scanner and delaying the rest of us OFFICIAL REVENGE. With the recent attempted hijack by a drunk and other incidents around drunkenness is not time the airlines stopped serving alcohol on flights?Then on to the Coach and as expected we were the last to be dropped off, sitting behind us were three women I deliberately do not  use the word Ladies. These three were very loud and every sentence was started and finished with word Dear, we were treated with how they remembered the Chinese and how they had a photograph taken by a tree etc. Of the regular saying was this all about Sun, Sex and Sea well have to admit 2 out of 3 is not bad for me, thankfully they were not at our hotel if you wanted take these out for dinner all you would need is a tin of Chappie and a tin opener
One of the Beaches

The Hotel Luabay was very  good clean, tidy, good food etc but the only problem was there was a group of young blokes there who made good use of the free alcohol  and were very noisy. I thought they were on a stag weekend but the way they cuddled themselves in the Pool I wondered if they batted for the other side, they went after a couple of days thank God, then we had a couple of women snogging in the pool. Not sure if they exhibitionists or trying to prove a point. I am told that Tenerife is a holiday spot for the gay community, they never interfered with me so who cares but I am not joining that Club. Another annoying thing was the WIFI £30 for 10 day this day and age this service should be part of the package, especially as the cafe and restaurants in the area offer free WIFI. Trips average £50 a head, we decided to go on a day tour of traditional Villages and wine tasting but other trips NO. Val  wanted to go on a 3 hour boat trip but when I told her it would cost us £110 she just retorted NO WAY you are paying that. We was spoilt by Turkey a whole boat trip with food was just £10 a head we did eventually go on a Catamaran to see the Whales but instead of paying 120 euro we fond a guy on the beach who offered the same trip for 60 Euro a pleasant 3 hour trip with free booze, Val naturally joined in the dances, I naturally refused due to my Falklands injury??? and we were told you were not allowed to reserve Sun beds, great idea until you saw them at 7 am putting their towels down, silly things like that rattle you even though I never lay on a sun bed.

Mind you the restaurants were very reasonably priced as were most goods.I did buy a pair of headphones which now think I could have got cheaper in the UK but I needed them so was quite satisfied and the shop owner was extremely helpful with us electronic matters and he gave his advice free of charge. So as they say fair exchange is no robbery. Couple of days later I got talked in to buying a a lens filter, superior SD Card, the latest Android  Tablet (which I having difficulty working)  So £150 I did not expect to pay hopefully I got a good deal
We even sat together

The entertainment at the Hotel was very good. Two acts every night, for those who have been on these All Inclusive will recognise the format first act Birds of Prey, Snakes etc then the main act and the best were the Blues Brothers. I have seen many Blues Brothers act but this was the best music and comedy a Blues Brothers a cross with Eric Morecambe brilliant act. The worse was tribute to Elton John can not abide the man, his life style or his music, left after two minutes.  
Drinks were not limited to local drinks so quality was good, you also had access to a Mexican and Spanish meal in a separate restaurant. Buffet food was good and one night we had sushi which I tried, did not touch the Whale meat, something about eating this great creature did not sit easily with me, oh and they had rabbit on the menu my favourite

Both myself and Valerie got sunburned Val’s new Bikini was very smart but she had a strap around her neck which left two white marks, I have been ordered not to show a photo of said marks. I managed to burn my head a neck as I rarely take my shirt of, the rest was OK. Normally at these hotels we are in the minority because we have no tattoos but as there many other nationalities for once we did not feel outsiders. The Tattoo craze seems to be somewhat limited to the UK and nearly every Brit of all ages had a Tattoo some were very discreet but many had multiple designs and this was men and women. My three children have them what I cannot understand is once you have them done they can never be undone so what happens in 10 years time when the fashion changes? Mind you if you had Alzheimer you could have your name and address tattooed on your arm and then the other could be your wife's name, legs could be your kids names etc. Once those with a tattoo get a tan the design becomes unrecognisable. Most of us talk about obesity and we are used to seeing men with pot belly, thankfully my chest is still bigger than my belly but it was the size of the women young and old many weighed in access of 18 stone and were 5ft 4ins tall, ignore the aesthetic side of their size surely they must realise the danger to their health and my eyesight. Mind you Val said it is none of my business and I should not be so judgemental and I ought to look in the mirror (something I do every morning and I ask who is the fairest of all, I never get a negative response so it must be me)  So shall keep my thoughts to myself and my Blog

Warning Val in Pool

The staff are very hardworking and efficient something our British Hotel workers should take note of, also I notice most of the cafe’s are run by the Chinese and most of the shops by Indians. These are successful because they put in the hours. I asked an Irish women who was encouraging you to use the restaurant she worked at, she said many Brits come out here get a Bar and think they can just prop up bar and think the money will roll in. The fact is to survive in Tenerife you open at 9am and close in the early hours 7 days a week, this certainly not a business for people to retire to.
Did I really need the Loo

Mobility Scooters are everywhere in Tenerife but the latest addition is a two seater how marvelous??? I saw a piece on Sky it seems some resorts in Spain intend banning topless men in Towns and on the promenade, I hope they do this in the UK. Some years ago Spain they tried to ban topless women over a certain age and certain size, I wonder how many men applied for the position of Breast Warden. It must have been a horrible job having to check all those topless women
Hat is essential 
Would I go again? NO. Tenerife is great if you want a Holiday in the Sun with excellent facilities. The reason I will not return  is the aggravation of getting there by plane. Everything is queuing, waiting, uncomfortable seats, 2 days of your holiday spoilt by travel not for me any more. I will use planes for my business and sport but that is all. In future will holiday in GB or in Europe where I can drive or catch a plane

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